


and i will try to fix you.

by japrlls



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: Angst, F/M, Heartbreak, gmw, lucaya - Freeform, lucaya angst, slowburn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-07-27 20:11:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16226477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/japrlls/pseuds/japrlls
Summary: in which maya goes home. (girl meets triangle)





	and i will try to fix you.

**Author's Note:**

> I'M SORRY THIS IS SO SHORT! I haven't had a ton of inspiration to write n this is all I got right now. I don't know exactly how to write angst but it hurt me so we'll see. Enjoy the tears!

_ You became me. _ Maya’s heart was pounding, her head spinning, and she could feel herself shaking. Struggling to process the words she had just heard, Maya leaned forward, no doubt looking appalled. She stared at Riley in disbelief, blinking back tears. “What’s wrong with us both liking a nice guy?” Her voice cracked, wavering. She didn’t understand. She  _ couldn’t _ understand. Maya had liked Lucas since seventh grade, as long as Riley, but in every scenario, everyone seemed to consider Riley’s feelings more valid than hers. Even Lucas. While Maya felt like she was on the sidelines, Lucas and Riley still had their cute little moments. Lately, it seemed like she and Lucas didn’t have any one-on-one conversations. Did they all disregard how she felt? For the first time in a long, long time, Maya had been sure of something. She knew how she felt about Lucas.

She had known for a while, but just hadn’t wanted to admit it. 

She knew.

She finally understood why she thought of him all the time, why she would catch herself doodling his face, why she would snap back to reality and finding herself staring at him. Maya had never thought she could fall for someone like him. Someone with such a big heart, someone who was just  _ good _ . She had imagined herself having a failed relationship with her parents, a partner who was bad for her. She had thought her type was more  _ rebellious _ , more like her. But despite it all, she had fallen for the golden-skinned, kind-eyed Texan. 

And yet, it seemed it wasn’t enough for everyone. 

Riley smiled. “Do we?” Maya could feel her heart plummet, close to breaking. Of all things, she had never expected this from Riley-- a stab in the back. Riley had always been there for her, hadn’t she? Riley had been a little ruder when it came to Lucas, sure, but Maya hadn’t paid it much attention. This messy love triangle was hard on all of them. 

But it shouldn’t have come to this.

Maya blinked, staring in disbelief at her best friend, trying not to break down crying, struggling to just  _ understand _ . Riley had never questioned her feelings for Lucas before. In Texas, Riley had told her to feel whatever she felt. She had encouraged her to tell Lucas. She had been by Maya’s side the whole time, and hadn’t hurt her like this before. What happened to trust? Maya had never once told Riley how to feel, who she was-- why did it seem like she poured her soul into the relationship while Riley only dipped her toes in? 

“What’s wrong with who I am now?” Maya’s voice kept cracking as she spoke. The lump in her throat persisted no matter how many times she swallowed it down. She wasn’t going to let herself shatter. 

Riley kept that infuriating smile on her face as she leaned in closer, still facing Maya. “Maya, the world has one of me, it needs one of you.”  _ Bullshit. _ Maya was her own goddamn person. Maya wasn’t Riley. Maybe she got good grades now, and maybe she wasn’t getting in detention, but Maya couldn’t fathom how that could possibly be a bad thing. Riley had wanted her to do so for years, and now she seemed to have had a change a heart. So Maya had changed, sure, but what person stays the same for their entire life? She was maturing. How could Riley not see this?

Was Riley  _ trying _ to hurt her?

Could she possibly believe Maya had turned into her?

“My voice is still my voice, Riley.” Maya’s voice broke, but she pressed on, her body shaking from anger and grief. “You’re gonna need to show me a lot more than clothes, and hair, and a boy before I believe that it isn’t.” There wasn’t a label for how Maya felt in that moment. She felt livid, beaten, heartbroken, confused, and just  _ tired. _ Riley kept staring at her, smile fading, looking puzzled. Maya met her brown eyes, keeping her gaze firm. Maya never wanted to hurt Riley, but she couldn’t sit there and take it. She hated standing up to Riley-- it terrified her. She didn’t want to risk losing her best and oldest friend. She didn’t want to hurt her.

“You want me to go home? I’ll go home.” Maya turned, crawling out the window without looking back. She had no plan, but she didn’t look back. Maya descended the fire escape, sliding down the ladder and hitting the sidewalk. Tears were blurring her vision, and she angrily wiped them away. There would be no crying. She hadn’t lost herself. She hadn’t lost anybody. 

Yet. 

\----------

Maya didn’t know where she was going.

All she knew was that she didn’t want to be sitting in that bay window, letting Riley say those things to her. How could she be expected to agree? Maya had been able to stand up to Riley before, but somewhere along the road, she had changed. Now, she felt if she did, she would be jeopardizing everything they had. Maya couldn’t lose her best friend. 

She knew the city like the back of her hand, even at night. She relied on muscle memory, hurrying through the streets, aware there were tears leaking from her eyes. 

Whatever. 

She was still shaking. 

Who cared? 

She couldn’t expect anyone to reciprocate her feelings. She had known this, but had just pretended otherwise. She had blindly hoped for Lucas to like her back. And he did, it seemed; however, the intensity of his feelings for her were unclear. Maya had fallen, and she was painfully aware of this. In addition to this, Riley didn’t seem to be all in on their friendship anymore.  _ It obviously means more to me _ , Maya fumed, stalking down the sidewalk. Why did she always get comfy in relationships, let her guard down? 

She had said she was going home. 

But hadn’t Riley been her home?

Their friendship? The trust they shared?

_ Guess I shouldn’t have hoped for it to last forever _ , Maya thought bitterly.  _ Hope is for suckers after all _ .    
Maya blindly followed her heart, overwhelmed by her doubts and fears. She let herself just walk, pushing past pedestrians, speeding up. It didn’t really matter to her where she was going. 

A building she recognized was in her sights, just a few houses over. Realization dawned on her.

It was Lucas’ building. 

Maya didn’t know why she was going there. She didn’t have an explanation for anything at the moment. There was something about this building, about who lived in it. She didn’t hesitate in finding the fire escape on the side of the building, climbing up the lowered ladder. She knew which window she was going for. Maya ascended the steps, going up and up until she reached her destination. She lowered herself so she could see through the glass. Lucas was sitting on his bed, an open book in his lap, hunched over and reading. He was still in his outfit he had worn to school: a blue button down shirt and jeans. Despite the situation, Maya’s heart leaped. Even in her state of despair, she couldn’t not notice how he looked. His muscled arms, his sharp jawline, his tousled hair. From what she could see, his jaw was clenched, and he seemed tense. 

But what did she know? 

She was just looking through a window. 

Maybe she had always been outside, looking inside. 

Maya tapped on the glass, and Lucas jumped in response, startled looking over and spotting her. His brow furrowed in concern, sliding off of his bed and rushing over to unlock the window, not hesitating to lift it so Maya could climb through. She did so, letting her boots hit the rug, and she closed the window behind her. She turned to face Lucas, looking up at him. Worry was etched in his chiseled face, a hand scratching the back of his neck. It was unusual, her being there-- Maya had never come to his house this late at night, especially  _ alone _ . 

“Are you okay?” He asked immediately, concern evident in his voice. Maya rarely visited him alone at all, no matter the time, and rarely through his bedroom window. She knew her visit warranted concern from him. It would be strange if it didn’t. Lucas absentmindedly ran his hand through his hair, ruffling it more. It was a nervous tick of his, Maya had noticed. 

Maya shook her head, hoping her muddled thoughts would sort themselves out. “I don’t know,” she replied in a subdued voice, looking away from him, trying not to meet his gaze. 

“What happened?” Lucas’ voice was firm, his eyes narrowing, no doubt wondering if someone had hurt her. He was protective of everyone he cared about, and it caused Maya’s heart to lurch if she thought about him caring about her for too long. She hated how he did this to her.

How he made her dizzy, happy, hopeful.

But right now?

Maya wanted to tell somebody, she did-- it went against her natural instinct to bottle it all up, and she couldn’t explain it, really. All she knew was that she didn’t want to suffer with it alone. But was Lucas really the right person to talk to about it? He had feelings for Riley as well as her, and she didn’t want to do anything to change how he felt. It wasn’t her place. It wasn’t fair to him or Riley.

But it seemed like a night of breaking rules.

Maya took a deep breath. She figured she was overreacting; however, the weight of the moment made her anxious. Her argument with Riley was important to her, even if it wouldn’t be to anyone else. “I was with Riley, and...she…”

Lucas took a step closer, his lovely pine scent reaching Maya and easing her a bit. “Something happen between you guys?” His southern accent was still a bit evident in his voice-- it got stronger when he was worried. Maya could feel him right in front of her, even if they weren’t touching. His presence always caught her attention, and she couldn’t fathom it. Her feelings were muddled, but she knew this much; he meant so much to her, and she really, really liked him. She didn’t want to hide things from him. She didn’t like it. It didn’t feel right to have secrets from him. 

“We were in the bay window, and she had been talking about...about  _ fixing  _ me, or something, and…” She swallowed again, deliberately not looking Lucas in the eyes. “She told me...she told me that I became her.” Lucas stayed quiet, his face furrowed in confusion. Maya recanted the conversation, not wanting to hold back, for once in her life. Although she felt awkward mentioning to Lucas about her talking about liking him, she didn’t really care. In fact, it felt relieving to be able to tell him, to confide in him, to stand there and trust him and feel safe in his presence. Although the feeling was brief, it was significant. She rarely went to him for comfort-- she felt like she would be betraying Riley, which was a ridiculous thought, she knew. But it was there.

When finished, she looked up at Lucas, who was taking it all in. He went to touch her shoulder, but stopped himself, clenching his jaw. He was at a loss for words momentarily. “Maya…” Lucas began slowly, the sound of her name coming from his mouth sending a shiver down her spine. “I’m sorry. No one should say that to you.” Although it felt good to have him agree with her, to have him support her, she felt guilty.

“I mean-- I don’t…” Maya shook her head. “Look, I--” Lucas cut her off by wrapping his arms around her, pulling her to his chest. Maya tensed, but relaxed into his arms, resting her head against his chest and just taking in the feel of his muscled arms around her. Breathing in his scent-- Maya didn’t like to admit feeling anything remotely sappy, but she loved being in his arms. They rarely hugged, but when they did, Maya immediately felt safe. She couldn’t explain it, but he felt…

He felt like home.

Maybe it was unfair, maybe it wasn’t right, but she couldn’t deny her feelings for him. Although it hurt her, and the triangle wore her down each day, there was no way for her to ignore how she felt. How her heart craved him, how she couldn’t help but think about him all the time, how she wished every minute of every day that loving him didn’t hurt her so goddamn much. She had never felt this way about anyone before. She had never had this overwhelming emotion, this affection, this romantic kind of feeling. 

It took over her. It was so damn overwhelming, but so damn worth it. 

And yet?

She couldn’t ignore it, but Maya knew that these feelings were an inconvenience to everyone. Why couldn’t she have kept it hidden? Why couldn’t she have kept it all to herself forever, like she had for over a year? It tore her apart, the feeling she had ruined it all. 

“Lucas…”

“Mm?” He murmured, his soft voice making Maya’s heart jump.

“Please don’t tell anyone about this. Any of it.”

“Of course not. It’s not my place.”

He was such a good guy. 

“And please don’t let this change how you feel about Riley. I don’t want to...I don’t want to…” She trailed off. Lucas tensed, and he pulled away. He nodded at her, his face solemn, fidgeting with his hair once again. He nodded again, breathing heavily. Maya hated the loss of Lucas’ arms around her, the breaking of the moment. She wished she could just stand there with him and forget the world. All her worries, her fears, her heartache. 

“Thank you.” 

“Of course,” Lucas replied, smiling softly down at her. Maya hated that she loved that smile, that she loved everything about him. 

“I...I should go.” Maya turned to leave, noticing she wasn’t shaking anymore. She had to leave. She didn’t want to take up any more of his time. 

“Wait.” Lucas put his hand on her shoulder, and Maya inhaled sharply. “I, uh...I care a lot about you, Maya. I don’t think...I don’t say it enough. But I like you a lot. And I’m here for you. Whatever you need.” Maya could feel that lump in her throat again, and she held back a sob. She loved hearing that from him, she did, but she knew how much it would sting when they didn’t work out. 

Because they wouldn’t.

Maya let out a shuddering breath, looking back at him, seeing the kind look in his eyes, the gentle smile. Why did he look at her like nobody else would? The look in his eyes was all too familiar to her. He had that same look on his face at one minute to midnight on New Years, he had the same look on his face when he was telling her how he wanted her to be happy. What did it mean?

She didn’t know how to reply. How could she tell him the same without spilling out her entire heart to him? “Thank you, Lucas. That means a lot to me.” Her voice was subdued, but she locked eyes with him, trying to communicate to him that she felt the same way. She just didn’t want to say it. 

He smiled, taking his hand back. “I got you for that,” he murmured, and Maya couldn’t help the corners of her mouth turning up slightly. She broke the eye contact, opening the window back up and climbing out. She turned to look back as she left-- Lucas was standing by the window, looking down at the floor, his face obscured. Exhaling, Maya left, hoping she could put this whole night behind her.

But the memory of him looking at her like that was etched in her brain. 

Maybe it always had been. 

\----------

Once Maya had climbed through her own bedroom window, she closed it, locked her door, and sat shakily on her bed. She had been holding back from crying the whole way home, although tears had slipped from her eyes, wetting her cheeks. Maya hadn’t wiped them away; in fact, she had barely noticed them. She felt numb. 

Maya had realized something on her walk home, the memory of his hand on her shoulder and his words etched permanently in her mind. The realization strung. It tore her apart. But she knew it was true. Maya knew Riley, she knew Lucas, she knew all of her friends. She knew that the triangle could only end one way.

With her out of the picture.

Riley was a good person. Maya knew this; she could never hate Riley. She knew her friend, she had known her for years, and Riley had good intentions. However, this didn’t take away from the fact that Riley wouldn’t have been able to handle Lucas choosing Maya. It wasn’t an insult to Riley, though-- it was just the truth. Riley had been raised by a loving family, where she had been given what she wanted a lot, had been sheltered from the bad parts of the world. She believed in getting her happily ever after. Riley would be shattered by Lucas choosing Maya.

Maya was already broken. She was just good at concealing it. Riley would be devastated by not being chosen, but Maya would be able to handle it. She had been left before. This wasn’t anything new. Maya had come to terms with the fact that she wasn’t right for Lucas, anyway. They would just crash and burn, and she knew this; there was no denying it in her mind. Maybe she had always known this. In any case, it didn’t matter-- Riley was the most important person in the world to Maya, even though she had hurt her beyond belief. Maya couldn’t handle Riley being upset, especially at her own hands. Riley deserved to be happy. She deserved Lucas. 

Maya didn’t. 

It was all clear to her.

She would go to Riley. She would give in. She would say she became Riley. She would go along with it, let Riley satisfy herself by fixing Maya. She would tell everyone she didn’t like Lucas. She had to end it. She couldn’t keep tearing their friend group apart. 

It had been a long time coming. 

There really had never been any chance for her and Lucas.

If she was losing, she would be losing on her own terms, and no one could convince her otherwise. Maya would keep it all to herself; she would never tell anyone, and she promised this to herself as she laid back on her bed, shaking from her sobs. She needed the time to cry, to get it all out before she locked her heart away forever. Her mother had always told her there was no shame in crying, but Maya still despised it-- she felt so goddamn weak, and she hated it. She hated the vulnerability these feelings caused her. But what could she do?

Once Maya had gotten ready to go to bed, and splashed cold water on her tearstained face, she climbed into her bed pulling the covers up to her shoulders. Maya closed her eyes, breathing in and out, keeping her breaths steady and deep. She ached for him, she wanted him, she needed him.

It tore her apart.

\----------

_ “Okay, Huckleberry, if you care about me, here’s what you do. Go find Riley…” Maya swallowed, keeping the kind look on her face, “...tell her you love her.”  _

_ Lucas raised his eyebrows in response. “ _ Love _ her?” He asked, somewhat incredulously. Maya smiled softly, memorizing his face, his confused grin, his gaze. She exhaled, steadying herself. She was doing the right thing. _

_ “Just say it. We like it.” Lucas leaned forward, wrapping his strong arms around her and holding her close. Although he pulled back a moment later, his touch lingered, and Maya took it all in. She commited his hug to memory, looking up at him, searching in his eyes. He gazed back at her, his eyes kind, his goofy grin hitting her where it hurt. He really seemed happy. It stung Maya, but she had seen it coming. She knew Lucas would be happy with Riley. Lucas had liked Maya, but it seemed all too easy for him to leave. _

_ “Thank you.” _

_ Maya tilted her head to the side, gesturing airily. “What are friends for?” _

_ As Maya watched Lucas leave, she slid to the center of the bench, looking at him approach Riley. It stung to watch him leave, but Maya told herself it was par for the course. The guilt was all gone. _

_ All that was left was heartache.  _

_ And that was just fine with her.  _

  
  



End file.
